A Real Adventurer (fic; Saiyuki)

[opalmatrix]

Title: A Real Adventurer
Author: opalmatrix
Rating: PG
Warnings: swearing, references to child abuse
Pairing(s): n/a
Disclaimer: Saiyuki characters and situations belong to Kazuya Minekura
Spoilers: a bit about Gojyo's history
Beta: sanada
Notes: Presumably everyone's wondered at some point about the bizarre outfit that Gojyo wears in much of Saiyuki. Conversations with sanada, smillaraaq, and redbrunja eventually pointed to a possible reason for it.
Summary: Jien knows how important it is for little boys to have big dreams, and big heroes to inspire them.

---

“Jien-kun, you can leave now,” said the shop owner to his young clerk.

Jien, who'd been stacking canned goods as fast as he could, looked up at his boss, surprised. “It's 3 o'clock already?” He'd been working extra-hard to show Takeda-san how grateful he was to be able to leave early, and had completely lost track of the time.

“It is, and a few minutes past. Better hurry so you won't be late - oh, and here -” Jien automatically held out his hand, and received a small, battered paper sack. “Those wouldn't fit in the jars. Give 'em to your little brother.”

The sack was half full of assorted sweets. Gojyo would love them. “Takeda-san, thank you!” said Jien, his heart in his voice. He bowed to the wizened little human man and hurried out the back way, pausing only to leave his apron on the hook near the door.

The kids would be coming out of school by now. Mom thought that Gojyo was at the free school paid for by the local land-owner, but most of the kids there were both rough and youkai, and Gojyo had been beaten up four times in his first week there. So Jien had negotiated an orphan's fee with the classier school run by a missionary group. It took enough of his meager part-time shop clerk's pay to make Mom complain that he must be lazy at work because they paid him so little, but it was worth it to know that his little brother was spending his days in a safe place. The class was about half human, too, and although Gojyo was a novelty and sometimes teased, he'd only been in a few fights since then.

Mom would have had fifteen fits if she'd known that Jien was paying for his brother's schooling.

He was about halfway to the school when he ran into the leading edge of the wave of kids that was erupting from the place, and there was Gojyo. Tall for 8 years old, but desperately thin, he would have stood out even without his flaming scarlet hair. He was engaged in a cheerful shoving match with a boy several inches shorter but quite a bit sturdier. Still, he was holding his own: Gojyo was far stronger than he looked. The afternoon sun mercilessly picked out the bruises of his latest beating at Mom's hands. The teachers at the school were noticing the bruises, too: Jien knew that all too well.

Isn't it funny? When he was at that junkyard school, with the mean teachers, I never had to worry about questions, because no one cared. How could I know that the kinder people were a bigger threat to us?

Because if people found out how Mom treated Gojyo, they'd probably put him in a Home. And Jien wouldn't be able to go with him: he was too old. He shook his head. If that happened, they'd have to run away. But this wasn't a time to think about that.

“Gojyo!” he called. His little brother's head came up instantly; he stepped away from the other boy so quickly that the sturdier lad overbalanced and nearly fell.

“Jien!”

Gojyo grabbed his school satchel and ran, a crimson-haired whirlwind. He was beaming at the sight of his older brother. “Why're you here? Doesn't Takeda-san still need you?” Usually Gojyo stayed in the stock room or on the back stoop of the store for the last 2 hours of Jien's shift, reluctantly doing his homework. Jien was grateful that Takeda-san made it possible for Gojyo to avoid 2 hours alone with his mother.

“He let me take the afternoon off, because I have a special treat for you,” replied Jien.

“What ...? Oh!“ Gojyo grabbed his arm with both hands. “The picture show? Sadako said it was in town! We're going?!”

“That's right - and it's your favorite one, too!”

“Jijo!” Gojyo was shrieking at this point. “We're gonna see Jijo-san at the pictures!” And Jien had to grin, completely warmed by his brother's joy.

With what seemed like nearly half the juvenile population of the town in tow, they charged down to the courthouse, which had been turned into a cinema for the afternoon. The crew of the moving picture show had already set up the battered screen and rickety projector, and the windows were covered. The Sha brothers' longer legs allowed them to outdistance most of the others and snag two good seats only a row from the front. Jien produced Takeda-san's gift from his pocket, and Gojyo's joy was complete. He quickly sorted through the sweets, pulling out a couple of his favorites, and then generously offered the rest to his brother and his school friends, causing a near-riot among the kids nearest to him. Jien admired how dexterous Gojyo was at directing the sweets where he wanted them to go - especially to the girls. Jien suppressed a knowing grin. He's starting early - not that I'm surprised.

Suddenly the lights went down, and the young audience's din quieted to a dull murmur. There was some nonsense with synching up the sound, and for a moment, only a flickering rectangle of light appeared on the screen. It was quickly replaced by the title: Jijo of the Jungle: Deadly Medicine. “Ooooh!” breathed the kids in one voice, almost drowning out the cheesy orchestral music that swelled up, and then they settled in to watch.

Jien watched too, although he was sure he was a much tougher spectator. This guy, Jijo, wasn't Jien's idea of a hero. He was a human, for starters (youkai never seemed to show up in the movies except as villains), and even for a human, he wasn't exactly buff. He was a tallish slender guy with a mop of dark hair and eyes of some indeterminately light shade - you couldn't tell, on the black-and-white film, exactly what color they were. He was very polite with everyone, even most of the crooks, he actually wore glasses when you saw him read something, and he wore really goofy clothes. But he was fast with his pistol and machete, his sidekick was a really well-trained chimp who was always good for some laughs, and he seemed to have a lot of force of personality. There was always at least one scene where Jijo fixed some evil-doer with his masterful gaze and questioned the rat so fiercely that he broke and spilled everything. Jien had his doubts that things in Africa were really like the pictures showed, but he didn't really know for certain: his own school days had ended when Gojyo first turned up on Mom's doorstep. Still, Jien learned things sometimes even nowadays, especially when he tried to find out the answers to the endless questions that Gojyo had after watching another Jungle Jijo flick.

Gojyo just loved Jijo - always had, ever since the first film had showed up two years ago. This time, the plot was something about a jungle clinic run by a very spunky young Western nun and a shipment of medicine she was expecting, only some scumbags were using the medical shipment as a cover for their own shipment of illegal drugs. As usual, the kid was on the edge of his seat, his eyes on the screen, hooting whenever a bad guy got it, laughing at the ape, and clutching the paper sack of candy anxiously when it looked like the crooks were going to turn the tables on his hero. Jien was a little bored: he could usually while away the time by imagining making out with the leading lady, but this time she was a nun, for Heaven's sake. Jien had nothing against human women in his fantasies, and a Westerner would normally be a spicy novelty, but he had to draw the line at a nun, even from some strange outlandish religion. Who knows what kind of crap you could get into with the gods for daydreaming about feeling up a nun? And it was weird, too.

Maybe even as weird as ... no!

Jien shifted in his seat and forced his attention back to the screen. The show wound to its predictable climax. The nun got her medicine for the kids in the jungle village. A couple of the bad guys got killed, and the rest were humiliated and tied up for the local cops, who were incompetent jerks compared to wonderful Jungle Jijo. And Jijo and the chimp commandeered a Jeep from somewhere and rode off to their next adventure. The credits rolled, the kids applauded. Jien yawned and stretched. Gojyo turned to him with shining eyes.

“That was the best” he stated, with an air of damn-near religious certainty.

“Hell if it was!” cut in another voice, from behind them. The speaker looked a couple of years older than Gojyo. He was human, but big and broad for his age. “You're such a pissant, Gojyo! That Jijo is just a weird, skinny jerk. And he wears glasses. Badlands Bart is much better! He has two pistols and a rifle! And he'd never wear baggy-ass pants like that!”

Gojyo spun around in his seat and kneeled up, so he could look his tormentor in the eye. “You don't know crap, Toshiro! Those are special adventuring pants!”

After a moment, Toshiro started to snicker. Gojyo's fierce gaze didn't waver, but he was starting to flush. Jien stood up, loomed over the two boys, and fixed Toshiro with a firm but benevolent gaze. “You know, Gojyo's right,” he said mildly. “I asked Hideki-san, the guard officer, about those trousers just the other day. He said that when he was in India, he saw the Indian cavalry troops wearing 'em. They're the toughest horse soldiers in the world, those guys. A guy who'd been a trooper, like Badlands Bart, would know that, for sure.”

Toshiro's eyes had snapped upward at Jien's first words, and then shifted back to Gojyo, accusingly. You could almost see the words It's not fair! written in the air over his head. “Yeah, I bet,” he sneered, half-heartedly, and stomped out. Gojyo's eyes followed him. Jien thought he looked worried.

“Trouble?” he asked. Gojyo shook his head.

“No - not Toshiro. I mean, he's a butthead, and he punched me a couple times, but his mom ran off, and his dad drank himself to death. And he lives with his uncle, and his uncle hits him.” To Jien's surprise, his little brother sounded angry. He hesitated a moment before answering:

“I just thought - if you needed to - that you could remind him that you have a big brother.”

Gojyo looked at him, his small, bony face stubborn. “Nu-uh. Not when he doesn't have have anyone but a mean uncle. That's not fair. Jijo-san wouldn't do that. I'm not gonna, either.”

He slipped off the chair and started to walk out of the courthouse. Jien caught up with him, grabbed his shoulder gently, and made him look up.

“Hey. You're right. And I wouldn't do it either, to a sad sack like him. but you're my brother. I just wanted you to remember that you could, if you ever need to.”

And you get smacked up at home too, and I bet Toshiro never bothers to think about it before he punches you ...

But Gojyo was Gojyo. He'd fearlessly take on a challenge from anyone his size or bigger, but he buried dead birds and rescued bugs that were drowning, and if there was a stray dog around, chances are Gojyo would give it half of his own scanty dinner. Heaven knows where he got it from. Now he dropped his tough-guy look and glanced around to make sure no one was there before wrapping one arm around Jien's waist in a half-hug.

"I know that, you big dummy” he said, his small voice gruff, and released Jien quickly, before anyone could see.

They both went out into the late afternoon sunshine and hit the road for home. Spring was well along the way to summer, but evening could still get chilly in the mountains. Jien glanced at his brother, who had no jacket over his school shirt and shorts, but Gojyo seemed oblivious to the cool breeze.

“Could a Jeep really go through the jungle like that?” he asked seriously.

“Maybe ... there must be some kind of a road, though. Those viney plants get all tangled together - nothing could get through, not even Jijo's Jeep.”

“That bad medicine the crooks put in the lady doctor's boxes ... was that, like, poison?”

“Well ... it's like that stuff old Mahita smokes in his pipe - you know, opium. It makes you feel good, but it makes you want to have more and more, and pretty soon you'll pay any kind of money for it, and you don't care about playing or eating or ... anything. It's nothing you should ever get mixed up with, Squirt.”

Gojyo thought about that for all of two minutes, frowning. Mahita was hardly a shell of a person these days, skinny as a twig and usually dirty, begging in a corner of the marketplace for cash to feed his habit. Little kids were scared of him, and bigger ones mocked him behind his back. At last Gojyo said, “It's a good thing that Jijo-san stopped them, then.”

“Of course it is. He's a hero, right?” said Jien, and Gojyo grinned, his high spirits returning.

“Yeah! A real adventurer!“ he crowed, and ran off down the road, too pleased to walk normally.

There was a fence along this part of the road. Gojyo leapt to the top rail, his backpack thumping him solidly a fraction of a second after he landed - but he hardly wobbled, Jien noted approvingly. He doubted that his brother would ever match him in size or strength, but he was hellishly agile and very fast. Now he started trotting along the rail almost faster than Jien could walk. Jien smiled, pleased, and stretched his legs to keep pace with him. For a while, everything was contentment and peace: there was nothing but the road, the two brothers, the easy movements of their own sturdy bodies, and their memories of the afternoon.

But at last, around the curve, just past the crossroads, there loomed a weatherbeaten house with a weed-grown garden. Although lights were visible in the dirty windows, glowing in the gathering dusk, neither boy felt any sense of welcome. Jien stopped for a minute, and drew a deep breath, emptying his mind and trying to settle his stomach. Gojyo swayed for a moment on the fence rail, overbalanced, and saved himself by leaping off to land in front of his brother. The orange sunlight struck him full in the face, highlighting the ugly greenish-yellow bruises along his right cheekbone and jaw. Jien reached out gently and ruffled his crimson hair.

“Remember, kid - not a word to Mom about what we did after school today.”

Gojyo nodded silently, his face now so solemn and still that Jien felt like crying. The younger boy turned to walk the last hundred feet, head bowed, but then glanced back over his shoulder. There was a little spark of something stubborn and unbeaten in his eyes.

“Jien, do you think I could ever be a real adventurer - like Jijo? After I grow up?”

Jien wanted to kneel down in the dust beside him and give him the biggest hug he could, but he knew all too well that eyes might be watching from the front window. Trying to look as careless and unaffected as possible, he spoke quietly:

“Squirt, I think you could do just about anything you wanted, once you grow up.”

But first I have to make sure you live that long.

Slowly, the Sha brothers walked to the door. The afternoon was over, and Mom was waiting for them.

Comments

[fmanalyst.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. Excellent story. Excellent picture of that relationship and such delicate handling of the mother issue.

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

Aww, I'm glad you liked it! I wasn't too sure about giving Jien a job - some people have hypothesized that their mother was a prostitute to support them - but it seemed reasonable that he'd taken on being the Man of the House in more ways than one. (And it also keeps him away from her as much as possible ... I think people lose sight of the fact that Jien is also an abused child far too easily.)

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

Oh, Jien working makes so much sense -- both for all those reasons you mention, and really his mother seems so very very out of it much the time that I can't imagine her holding down any sort of steady job. And he's protective enough of his kid brother that it seems to me that for Gojyo to be as roughed up as he usually is, Jien must be out of the house pretty regularly.

And this is SO WONDERFUL, such sweet happy little brotherly moments but never losing sight of the sadness underlying their lives. Funny, though, it seems like Jijo's wardrobe isn't the only thing Gojyo imprinted on... ;)

Why oh why haven't you posted this to any of the communities yet? This is too good not to share.

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

>> it seems like Jijo's wardrobe isn't the only thing Gojyo imprinted on <<

Hee, you noticed! That came to me after I had the basic story down already ... .

Well, I don't belong to any of the communities - I'm a little shy, and have only been writing fic for a short while, and the bar for Saiyuki fanfic is really, really high. Which community would you suggest? And do they care about someone showing up and posting a story as just about her first action? In the only other fic-related comm. I belong to, they seem to like people getting to know the comm a little bit first before they start posting fic.

(I was thinking that somehow I should direct redbrunja to this, too, since she was present at its inception, but I wasn't sure of a tactful way to do it.)

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

Well, barring a couple of comments here and there on other folks' posts, I delurked on saiyuki with my first fic and hardlove with my fanmix, and nobody seems to have pointed and complained in either case. Since this is gen, well other than those little hints of foreshadowing *chuckle*, I'd say post it to saiyuki. It's a wonderful piece, and there's so little good stuff about those boys' early days, I'm sure folks would be thrilled to see it!

And I'll be sure to point Red to this if I manage to see her in chat, I've already been squeeing and telling everyone else I can catch online to read this. :)

[lillypuff.livejournal.com]

smillaraaq pointed me to this fic and omg, I love it. You have the relationship between Gojyo and Jien down so perfectly. And little Gojyo is so damn cute! I totally agree you should post this to saiyuki :D

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks, I'm so glad you liked it. (And sorry this is so late - my brain has been really friend lately, and I'm still not used to maintaining two LJs.)

[lillypuff.livejournal.com]

No worries, I've been busy lately, so I know how it goes ;)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God.

This was so perfect.

I was literally laughing out loud, no lie.

I loved the set up - Jien would so be working, and I love hearing about the people in their life who tried to help them/treated them nice. Also, thank you for treating technology 'realistically' in Saiyuki - I really like it when people have tech but don't make it modern. The details of the rickety projector and the courthouse being the cinema were really awesome.

"Jien admired how dexterous Gojyo was at directing the sweets where he wanted them to go - especially to the girls."

I have my problems with Gojyo being painted as a playboy really young, but I do the details of him sharing even though he doesn't have much/doesn't get treats often. Totally Gojyo.


I love Jien's older perspective on the film, and sweet jesus I was cracking up at the details of the film - they way Sanzo/Goku/Hakkai are all merged together really work's - it's a great send-up.

" Jien was a little bored: he could usually while away the time by imagining making out with the leading lady, but this time she was a nun, for Heaven's sake. Jien had nothing against human women in his fantasies, and a Westerner would normally be a spicy novelty, but he had to draw the line at a nun, even from some strange outlandish religion. Who knows what kind of crap you could get into with the gods for daydreaming about feeling up a nun? And it was weird, too."

I was laughing *so hard* at this. Just so hard. And then the following line was just *ouch* It really makes you wonder how much Jien's sexuality got screwed up because of his mother.

"Those are special adventuring pants!”

(redbrunja snorts uncontrollably.)

Why can I see him having the exact argument with Goku at some point?

And the bit with the kid at the end? love love love. Gojyo would totally take this kid's side, and the whole interaction with him and Jien is spot on.

"But Gojyo was Gojyo. He'd fearlessly take on a challenge from anyone his size or bigger, but he buried dead birds and rescued bugs that were drowning, and if there was a stray dog around, chances are Gojyo would give it half of his own scanty dinner. Heaven knows where he got it from."

I'd suggest Jien look in a mirror at this point - just because the literally physicality is different doesn't mean the emotional reality is...

And never, never hesitate to self-pimp to me.

You are always free to pop over to my lj, comment on the most recent post and be like, 'by the way.... *fake innocent look* I *cough cough* happen to have just posted something you might be interested in, if I want to read it.....'

Seriously, am I the only total comment slut here? God, you people need to learn how to be more shameless.

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

I was cracking up at the details of the film - they way Sanzo/Goku/Hakkai are all merged together really work's

And don't forget the Jeep! :)

As for comment-whoring, well, I can't really do that on the most recent thing I've written because (1) it's in the anonymous kink meme and I haven't decloaked yet, although anyone who knows my hot buttons, and not just in terms of pairings, can probably tell it was me, and (2) it's slashy, so I know that you and PZB at least simply do not want to read it in the first place. (Although if you haven't checked in there recently, there is a little more actual het that's been posted recently -- some Kou/Yaone, another heartbreaking Jien/Mom bit of angst, and an absolutely hysterical older Goku/Lirin.) Although if it can be unlocked or reposted somewhere, I'd love to get your opinion on some rather goofy underwear meta we've got going elsewhere... ;)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

That's true. Dealing across slash and het lines can get dicey. Although I do lower the walls on slash occassionally when friends write it, fyi.

(And hot damn I am going over there right now to check on it.)

I would love to give my opinion on some goofy underwear meta. It sounds like my kind of party.

(...and which bit of Hakkai x Gojyo did you write? *is totally curious* I'd offer to tell you what I wrote there in exchange, except I think you already know.)

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

>> goofy underwear meta <<

Step right this way ...

Ooops ... I need to Friend you or you won't be able to see it. I ll take care of that in a sec ... .

(I've also just reviewed the manga Gravitation on that site, if you have any interest in that.)

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

Ha, see, I would just feel bad asking you to read something slashy just because *I* wrote it when I know that it is so very, very much Not Your Kink and Not Your Pairing; that just strikes me as rudeness on a par with going up to a friend that you KNOW is vegetarian/keeping kosher/diabetic/going low-carb/allergic/just plain ingredient-squicked, and INSISTING that they simply MUST try your wonderful honey-glazed bacon-wrapped cheese-and-sausage bread, I know it's not your usual thing but mine is SPESHUL!

If you're really that curious, well, you've already guessed the pairing (quelle surprise!), and if you remember some past conversations we've had on pet fetishes I think just reading the PROMPT will be enough to send up a huge "oh, Smilla couldn't possibly resist THIS one" red flag. And if the prompt wasn't enough, there are a several little details in the text itself that, if you're feeling wild and crazy enough to read it, you're likely to recognize from some of our past meta rambles. There's also one really huge non-Saiyuki related bit that I wouldn't necessarily expect you to get, but it's another dead giveaway for anyone who's seen some of my past blather about non-fandom, non-musical favorite subjects in the past -- although even without scouring over the archives, there's a bit on my info page that gives that one away pretty clearly. But really, I think the particular kink requested is enough to tell by, it's probably my most notorious weakness. Even more so than vines. ;)

I really need to clean it up quite a bit, it was posted relatively raw just for the sake of getting it done and there are a lot of bits I want to polish, so there'll be a less clunky version on my journal sooner or later if you don't feel like playing a guessing game.

...and I didn't realize you'd actually posted anything for the meme! Now I have to go take another look and see if I can guess at it.

(And do check out the Goku/Lirin in particular -- given that past talk with pzb about that pairing and food, I think you'll find it most amusing.)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

That's why I let you know you could. And that's a great metaphor. Mmmm bacon.

And I want to hear your guesses on what you think I wrote! (There are two things.)

I just read that fic with Goku and Lirin last night - so funny.

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

smillaraaq is so very subtle ... let me just say that I am really glad you liked the Goku/Lirin story!

XD

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

Now, now, I'd have recced that even if I didn't know who Anonymous was, for multiple reasons: it's very very funny, it's a very rare pairing done very well, it's got some elements that ring especially amusing in the light of some past meta on what that pairing might involve, and since I was talking to Red here, it was actual het (which is a bit scarce in this fandom). :)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Yes she is.

And I totally need to write some feedback for that story (it was one my to-do list).

Short form: I love love love the food play. Geeze, Lirin, play nice with the boy-toy. And I can't imagine Kou not exploding when he found them.

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

I think that just being Lirin's older brother would pretty much by definition mean needing a constant supply of whatever youkai use as a headache remedy. (No wonder he keeps Yaone on staff!) :)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Oh hells, yeah.

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

Well, hrm, it's really tricky even if I can discount all the slash pairings automatically, since there's not so much as a hint to go on! At least when I was guessing at Cho's stuff I had a rough timeframe to narrow things down. ;)

Anyway, my first guesses would be the first Jien/Mom piece, and the Gonou/Kanan, since I know the Yaone/Hakkai shibari scene wasn't you. The Kou/Yaone doesn't feel so much like your style and I know you don't like him all that much, and most of the magical genderswap/AU stuff either feels wrong for you or else has bits implying that there's something slashy going on even when the magic genderswap isn't in play; about the only one there that feels like it might be you is the one where Hakkai is temporarily female, since that one seems to imply he and Yaone are an item and it has Gojyo a little weirded out when things go back to normal. The only other possibility I can think of is the Yaone/Hakkai/Gojyo threesome as you have mentioned that, but if you'd been writing that I'd have expected both boys to be focusing strictly on her...

So now you can tell me just how far off I was. And I decloaked mine if you still haven't guessed. ;)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Okay, finally worked my way down to this comment.

Yes, you're correct, that first Mom/Jien fic was mine.

The Gonou/Kanan wasn't, but since it was super hot and awesome and slightly creepy, I'm really happy you guessed that.

But the Yaone/Hakkai/Gojyo threesome was mine (did that count as losing my slash virginity?) and yes, if I'd been writing it just for me, I would have had both of the boys focusing on Yaone, but the requester was very clear about wanting Hakkai in the middle, so I tried to fill her request.

And where is the Hakkai genderswap with YxH hints fic? Because I didn't read it and now I want to.

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! You wrote my request! *squees*

Very sneaky of me, I know, to ask for something I actually find sad and disturbing rather than hot as an excuse to get some prime Jien angst. But I can't complain since it worked and was wonderful!

And I *adored* the Y/H/G piece, honestly I'd be happy with any of 'em in the middle but that particular dynamic worked very, very well at hitting both sides of the Hakkai subtext and just making me squee at seeing two of my favorite pairings done at the same time. _{Also the introductory setup where Hakkai walks in and finds that Gojyo and Yaone have clearly reached An Understanding and all over him before he knows what hit him was...VERY realistic. *koff*}

The Hakkai-genderswap is here: it's awfully cute, a great Gojyo voice. It does also sort of hint that there's maybe some undercurrent of interest between the boys, but that it's gone nowhere because they're both guys and Gojyo doesn't know how to deal with it. Cute and light and funny, Hakkai's evil little sense of humor really comes through in this one.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I thought that might be your reaction. ^_^

Yeah, whatever it takes to get good Jien angst is what you should do.

So glad you enjoyed the Y/H/G piece - that was actually a bit difficult for me to write, so I'm glad it worked.

"Also the introductory setup where Hakkai walks in and finds that Gojyo and Yaone have clearly reached An Understanding and all over him before he knows what hit him was...VERY realistic. *koff*"

I normally hate the 'I love you so much I'll share' but both Gojyo and Yaone have enough issues with self-worth that I could believe it, plus I know that that threesome would settle down into three people who love the other two equally, which I don't believe with a lot of threesomes.

And that genderswap was very, very cool. The Gojyo voice was awesome.

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

As far as the candy-sharing goes: (1) this is Jien's POV, and he's well into his teens, so we're seeing his interp of why Gojyo's sharing the candy that way - but for that matter, (2) there are lots of little boys who are smushy-mushy with little girls early on (doesn't necessarily translate to playboy behavior as a teen/adult, either ... sometimes they even turn out gay - the girls' less rough behavior attracts them, in that case). I can easily see Gojyo-chan being the sort who courts little girls by generously offering them handfuls of weedflowers and unusually attractive dead beetles, that he's decided are too pretty or too interesting to bury ... obviously, this means his results are rather mixed! It would be a novelty for him to have goodies to share that he knows will be well-received.

Jien's sexuality and self-esteem are both pretty badly trashed, I imagine, and there's probably scope for some very sweet/sad fic about that, perhaps with Yaone. That's why he doesn't understand where Gojyo-chan "gets it" - he doesn't think well of himself. He knows damn well that things are still not right at home, and he blames himself for not being able to fix the situation. This is, sadly, not uncommon in kids from messed-up households.

For various reasons, my brain's a bit scrambled right now ... I'll have to go check out your site, although I ealize that the train may already have left the station without me, so to speak ... .

:-)

I'm so glad you liked this, and yes, I'm shy about flacking my stuff. Us INFP types are pure marshmallow through the middle ... . For that reason, I won't rec my other Saiyuki fic on this site, because it's m/m, albeit very mild and in fact without physical contact, and therefore not your sort of thing. If I write romantic/smutty fics, they're quite likely to be m/m ... decades of identifying with male characters in SF&F novels probably figure into that equation.

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

Mmm, yes, and I can see Gojyo sort of liking girls because he's got that whole mommy-approval thing going on, and also maybe they're a little less likely to be beating up on him than the other boys, since mean girls are often more likely to be mean verbally. (Although ooh, with that boy's issues, any little girls who are calling him nasty names because of the hair/eyes thing, ouch, I bet that stings more than the boys who just hit him.)

And since she's too shy to rec it, Red, I'll say you might want to peek at her other Saiyuki fic here because it's M/M in only the most indirect way -- it's Sanzo POV so while he finds himself sort of ogling one of the other guys, given all of his issues it's all done in a very cranky, resentful, how dare he be undressed and sort of interesting to look at someplace within eyeshot, the nerve of the stupid bastard, sort of way. It strikes me as very much of a Sanzo sort of attitude towards any glimmerings of human frailty in himself, plus it's a very lushly described voyeuristic peek at Gojyo being very un-selfconsciously comfortable in his skin. It's good stuff. And it should ALSO be reposted to one of the archives or communities, just like this one should be, hint hint hint hint hint. *koff* *stare*

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

"there are lots of little boys who are smushy-mushy with little girls early on (doesn't necessarily translate to playboy behavior as a teen/adult, either ..."

I... did not know this, but it totally makes sense - especially in he's attracted to them because of their gentleness.

"I can easily see Gojyo-chan being the sort who courts little girls by generously offering them handfuls of weedflowers and unusually attractive dead beetles, that he's decided are too pretty or too interesting to bury ... obviously, this means his results are rather mixed!"

Depends on what kind of little girls he hangs out with! But I was a bit of a tomboy - I would have liked cool bugs.

"Jien's sexuality and self-esteem are both pretty badly trashed, I imagine, and there's probably scope for some very sweet/sad fic about that, perhaps with Yaone."

Yeah *is shameless* I kind of wrote that. Or at least, a fic relating to that.

"He knows damn well that things are still not right at home, and he blames himself for not being able to fix the situation. This is, sadly, not uncommon in kids from messed-up households."

My Mom was talking about this (in relation to Gojyo) and she as also saying how realistic it was that Gojyo totally blames himself, because that's hugely common with children of abuse.

"INFP"?

*confused*

Yeah, I know a lot of people who say the main reason they like slash is that the guy characters are so much more interesting than the females, which, in anime fandoms, in unfortutantly often true.

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I would have totally been into both the cool beetles and the interesting weeds. But I was also a bit tomboyish, not into actual sports but I liked playing with mud and bugs and preferred stuff like toy trucks and tokusatsu action figures and Lego to boring old dolls. ;)

My Mom was talking about this (in relation to Gojyo) and she as also saying how realistic it was that Gojyo totally blames himself, because that's hugely common with children of abuse.

Terribly so, yeah. This is why I have a recurring thing in my fics where Gojyo is very self-deprecating, downplaying his own problems and making excuses for his stepmother, when the subject comes up. This is a horribly common pattern with emotional abuse in particular, internalizing all the guilt, blaming yourself for your own victimization rather than the abusive parent, etc. And Jien, with that whole adultified-child situation, would so have that internalized caretaker role weighing him down with guilt whenever he can't fix and take care of everyone...

And the INFP thing is referring to Myers-Brigg personality types -- there's an ongoing discussion off thataway in cho's non-fic journal.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

"Terribly so, yeah. This is why I have a recurring thing in my fics where Gojyo is very self-deprecating, downplaying his own problems and making excuses for his stepmother, when the subject comes up. This is a horribly common pattern with emotional abuse in particular, internalizing all the guilt, blaming yourself for your own victimization rather than the abusive parent, etc. And Jien, with that whole adultified-child situation, would so have that internalized caretaker role weighing him down with guilt whenever he can't fix and take care of everyone..."

WORD. I hate their mother so, so much, but you know that neither Gojyo nor Doku would ever say a word against her. And Gojyo - Doku, I think would have just enought perspective to get that it was his mother who was no well, at least intellectually, but I don't think Gojyo ever grew out of trying listing reasons that his mother didn't love him and shouldn't - the hair, the bastard child, etc.

Which.... *squishes Gojyo*... just makes me want to ressurect his mother and kill her in a manner befitting her crimes.

And a link to the Cho discussion, please?

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

Well, with age I think Gojyo would at least be able to realize on some intellectual level that she was sick -- but at the same time emotionally, deep down, he'd still have trouble getting past that child's POV that he deserved it all.
"
And Jien, for all that he was a little older and that would help some with perspective, well, having to take on that caretaker adult role when he was still a child himself, even before all the REALLY bad stuff started, I think he'd have a hard time letting go of the guilt that if he'd just tried harder to take care of everyone, things would have been OK.

And the MB stuff is over here, there's also a link a few posts up to the silly underwear meta we were discussing earlier.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

"Well, with age I think Gojyo would at least be able to realize on some intellectual level that she was sick -- but at the same time emotionally, deep down, he'd still have trouble getting past that child's POV that he deserved it all."

Oh, yeah, and I think he only has that perspective cause Jien overtly told him his mother was sick. If Jien hadn't... I can image Gojyo never quite realizing that he wasn't just that hatable. He would have had even more issues than he does now.

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad you liked it. Gojyo is very important to me. The story was supposed to be just something amusing about those blasted ugly pants - we were talking about it for a while - but it insisted on growing.

(I have another Saiyuki story on this LJ, which I guess I will eventually add to the comm. as well, and then I have to buckle up my courage and reveal the two I wrote on the Kink Meme ... .)

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

This is... This is... So unbelievably sweet and beautiful and yet heart-breaking.

I think Jien is often forgotten or even dealt the bad hand for leaving Gojyo... People forget how much he had to go trough as well. I love how you wrote this from his perspective, and it's beautiful. Can't really come up with anything more coherent, but the details and the emotional baggage is amazing.

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so glad you liked it. Yes, as an older sibling myself, I can identify with him on that, at least! And he is really just a kid himself, albeit an older one.

[ginnyvos.livejournal.com]

Hmmm me too, I'm an older sis and really, noone harms my siblings, whether they are my fosterbrothers or my real brother or sister (though those last two are perfectly capable of defending themselves, nowadays).

Hmmm yes, he's just a kid, he's killed his mother, had his mind very badly fucked with by said mother (Not to talk about other things) and is very much confused and scared... Can you really, really blame him? Yes it was wrong, but he's done all he could!

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

I know ... my own poor mom was a mental mess as well (seriously), though not as bad as theirs. I really feel for both brothers.

[nanfoodle.livejournal.com]

Yay for well written Sha angst! Some people can hit a few things with their Sha fiction- Jien's grief and abuse, their Mother's problems,Gojyo's emotional and physical abuse- but you hit *everything*.You delivered this just so fantastically,everything is there and it's all spot on. *loves on it some more*

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

>blush< I'm so pleased it did all that for you! Thanks for telling me about it.   :-)

[purpleicicles.livejournal.com]

Amazing. There were so many great little bits in this that illustrated all the different facets of the sha brothers; both their joys and their pains were really well covered and expressed and there was a nice heavy dose of originality to round it all off *memories* Can I friend you? Pretty please?

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you liked it - it was fun to write.

(Oooh, of course you may friend me - but I only use this account for fic, so it won't be all that active. Especially not for the next couple of weeks, while I'm finishing up my Yuletide fic thingie ... .)

[purpleicicles.livejournal.com]

Thankyouthankyouhankyouthankyou!!!

(And yuletide fic? Sounds fun!)

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

It's an annual fiction exchange, a sort of "Secret Santa" thing - this the first year I've tried it, but I've read things from it for a couple of years now. It's devoted to getting people fic from their favorite obscure fandoms. The post "pinned" to the top of this LJ is my letter to my anonymous author, who will be writing me a story, and I am writing someone else a story. After New Year's, when the "reveal" takes place, I'll link the one I wrote here.

[theskywasblue.livejournal.com]

You're right, I did like it! It was very sweet. Nicely done!

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Yours felt like so much the same sort of thing - a sweet day snatched by the brothers together on the sly - that I thought you might.

[muffin-shark.livejournal.com]

Haha, my friend and I always called those Gojyo's "adventure pants". They're so silly. This was such a cute take on why he has them. I love the way you write his relationship with Jien, and the way all the little details in the Jijo movie relate to his future with Hakkai, Goku, and Sanzo. That made me happy.^^

[opalmatrix.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed this! There's a sort-of sequel - it takes place more than a decade later, on the Journey West - called Cast-Offs, which I wrote for one of the saiyuki-time prompts.

[sharpeslass.livejournal.com]

But first I have to make sure you live that long.
*weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeps*

That was lovely. *snif* (Then of course Jien ruined it all by abandoning the poor little kid. I'm still mad at him for that.)